Another day, another mission.
Great job, everyone!
Whew, finally done!
Hey, why don't we take a break at this tea house before we go back?
Don't be foolish, Tenten, we've got no time to loiter!
We should be running home as fast as possible...
...on our hands!
He's right, Tenten.
Let's at least walk like normal people.
Never!
I have genius rivals to surpass!
Come on, don't be such a wet blanket.
But while we're relaxing, Gaara's probably—
Eating dumplings?!
Who said dumplings?!
Oh, the Leaf guys?
What're you doing way out here?
As the Kazekage, I sometimes have to visit other nations.
Hey, Gaara, are those dumplings as good as they look?
Lee, you're not going to challenge Gaara to another stupid contest are you?
You always get way too worked up.
Don't worry, we'll be just fine!
"Just fine" shouldn't involve setting up the Initial Lotus!
Cut it out!
Weapons
Jeez.
Bothering the Kazekage with your oddball antics again?
Temari...
Tenten vs Temari!
Hm... Oh well,
I guess we may as well take a quick breather!
Miss! Some dumplings, please!
Not only did she blow all my weapons away,
she landed a powerful long-range punchline while doing it.
Goodness...
I see you're as incompetent as ever.
Who're you calling incompetent?
Did I stutter?
Excuse me, I'm caught in the middle...
Tenten?
Ow...
Sorry...
What's going on?
That wasn't like you at all.
She and I fought once, a few years ago.
But she deflected every single weapon I threw at her...
Really, how boring.
I'm no prodigy either...
So I worked really hard to improve on my specialties.
But having my attacks to be so completely ineffective ate me up inside.
That's why I lost my temper.
I know how you feel, Tenten.
Tenten!
Put on these tights and I guarantee you'll get stronger.
No!
Now this might work.
Wow, that move is awesome!
A little bit here...
No, I'd do it like so...
What are you two doing?
There's nothing to worry about, Tenten.
I know better than anyone how much effort you've put into your specialty.
Plus, I'm sure there's a way for you to beat Temari.
Like maybe...
She lost...
Don't compare those without permission!
All right, Gaara, Kankuro, you ready to hit the road?
Hold on, please!
Before you leave, Gaara...
I challenge you!
That's no contest!
I lost...
That's not what I meant, those are volleyballs!
You people never change.
Gaara, there's no need to play along with them.
Lee, you need to stop this.
Come on, Gaara, it's—
Settle this!
T-Tenten?!
I've been training nonstop since that day, too.
I refuse to keep losing to her!
The rules are simple.
Whichever team steals their opponent's Heaven or Earth scroll wins the battle.
What do we do? I got all heated up and now we've gotta fight!
It'll be fine.
First, I want you to use this scroll Guy Sensei gave me.
Flying Weapons, Guy Sensei's Unwashed Tights!
Ew, that's so gross!
Cyclone Scythe Jutsu!
They're coming back!
The stink's been blown off.
I can wear these again!
Please wash them properly!
I don't think we've even interacted before.
How about this, then?
Kan
I'm Kankuro and I dress in black.
Kankuro (black)
gan
And you're the Byakugan master Neji.
Byakugan (White)
Black versus White!
We'll see if your white eyes can best my secret black techniques!
He uses chakra threads to perform his puppet techniques.
But something's off. I'm getting a strange vibe...
I can't put my finger on it...
What are you trying to pull, Lee?!
Only a puppet master can fight another puppet master!
These are just ordinary threads—
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
You idiots.
I'll show you what a real puppet master can—
Huh?
Now, Tenten!
Flying Weapons, Pilfered Puppets!
She stole them!
I can't risk attacking Kankuro's puppets.
Yes, I hit her!
What's happening?!
Wait, the puppets turned her into some kind of female android!
Oh well, guess I'll have to fight like this...
Stop acting so giddy!
I'll join the fray, too.
Stay out of this, Sensei!
And why do you have to be naked?!
We're not through yet!
We're not?!
Flying Weapons, Aren't These Two Together a lot?!
This is an attack?!
Spill it! What's going on with you and Shikamaru?
We want the truth!
Leave me alone!
And these are obviously fakes!
Is that my ghost?!
This one isn't even possible!
You're in the springtime of your youths!
Temari, I'll save you!
Kankuro...
Secret Black Technique, My Makeup Mugshots!
Do something else!
I don't think so.
Eight Trigrams, Hyuga Family Album!
No more pictures!
Sand Coffin!
Keeping up with all these shenanigans is exhausting.
I've had enough.
Summoning...
Blade Dance!
Slice.
Start with the veggies.
Slice.
Leaf Cooking
Then the tofu.
Slice.
Quit playing around!
I'll show you...
Flying Weapons, Megaton Mace!
If those two attacks collide we'll all be blasted to kingdom come!
Everyone protect themselves!
What are you...
Barrier!
Are you a child?!
Barrier!
They're still doing it...
Lee and Guy Sensei are going to get hurt.
I'll have to cancel my attack—
That was the most pointless miracle ever!
Crap...
Looks like you're out of scrolls and out of moves.
Guess I win again.
Now this might work.
Wow, that move is awesome!
A little bit here...
No, I'd do it like so...
There's nothing to worry about, Tenten.
I know better than anyone how much effort you've put into your specialty.
That's right...
I've worked so hard this whole time.
I'm not that weak little girl anymore!
She turned her shirt into a summoning scroll?!
Now's your chance, Tenten!
Use the new attack I devised!
Flying Weapons, Boob Hammer!
Was it all for naught?!
The Boob Hammer?!
The Boob Hammer!
The Boob Hammer...
Not the Boob Hammer!
That's right, the Boob Hammer!
The Boob—
Stop saying it!
Oh yeah, the scroll!
They're both ruined!
I guess we didn't settle anything...
Wrong.
Regardless of the team battle, I lost to you one-on-one.
You're a lot more capable than I gave you credit for.
Next time we'll have a real one-on-one fight.
Sure!
Rumors of the intense battle spread like wildfire.
Hah, it's the Boob Hammer!
Hey, Boob Hammer!
All I won was a terrible nickname!
Incredible
Winter Bargains
Leaf
Family Sale!!
Big
Shop as a Family!
Can you believe it's December?
The Leaf Village is bustling with shoppers,
and a certain someone wants in on the action.
This is not the end of the line!
Just wait, little Leaf brats.
I'll lie in wait until you're lured in by the incredible deals,
and catch you in my trap!
Sir, pardon me, but are you here alone?
Are you coming on to me?
I'll think about it, but let me carry out my plan first.
Uh, no.
We're having a family sale,
so only families and couples are allowed in today...
Huh?
Huh?!
Who's that man?
I think he came alone.
Mommy, who is he?
Don't stare, honey.
Must be alone, poor thing...
Poor thing...
Kabuto...
What is happiness?
Where'd that come from?
I think I may return to being an ordinary ninja.
Orochimaru's Search for Love!
Oh come on, there's no way.
Nothing's impossible if you try hard enough!
It's not a matter of trying, Lee!
It's possible.
Not in a million years.
Orochimaru?!
What're you doing here?!
Oh, you three.
I want to be a normal ninja again.
Bye.
Hold it!
You expect us to believe you?
I've been doing a lot of thinking,
I want to re-integrate into society!
Yeah right!
It's true!
Haven't the three of you ever thought...
...about how you'll end up if you keep following the path you're on?
I'm home.
How are you feeling?
Sorry you had to watch the house all by yourself.
To Lord Orochimaru From Kabuto
Look how big he's grown! Kabuo, Age 8
His son's already eight...
Those were good times.
The whole lot of us just goofing around...
What am I doing with my life?
When I think that that's my future, it terrifies me! Utterly terrifies me!
You're being too negative!
And you're not convincing anyone!
He's convinced!
Orochimaru, I commend you for renouncing your evil ways!
Splendid, absolutely splendid!
Sensei, have you gone bonkers?!
Don't you remember everything he's done?
The past can't be changed, but the future has yet to be written!
Youth must be forgiven!
Forgiven!
A misguided soul who regrets his past and wants a new start...
I'll guide you with effort and passion!
Truly, you are in the springtime of your youth!
Yes, youth!
Not you, too, Lee!
From now on, you're our comrade!
Our comrade!
He joined the team...
Okay, another day of hard work awaits!
You're up first, Old-timer!
Old-timer?
Well, he's on the team now,
and Mr. Orochimaru feels too formal,
so I gave him a nickname.
I don't think he needs a nickname...
Wait, how about Oro?
Orochy? O-Man?
I like O-Man.
Orochy it is!
You totally ignored him!
First we must answer the most important question.
What is a "normal" ninja to you?
You're starting that far back?!
Hm...
A steady income...
Weekdays
Weekend
Two days off a week...
And a happy family waiting when you get home.
That kind of ninja.
That's not how being a ninja works...
Family...
Understood.
You need to start dating.
Dating?
Do you realize what you're saying?!
Those who miss their chance to marry young can only hope for a miracle...
...as they dive headfirst into the world of dating.
Marriage
It's a brutal form of training where one's life is constantly on the line,
and even the best eventually lose their touch.
It's not training!
To master dating is to master being a normal ninja!
But it's Orochimaru...
That's true.
Between his looks and his personality...
This may very well be impossible.
They're totally dissing me!
Very well, we'll remodel Orochy into the ideal Mr. Right.
Back up!
People can't find happiness through...
...some half-hearted self-improvement program.
You don't understand how this works, Neji.
Women think of marriage as the ultimate goal,
even though the real fight starts from there.
Therefore, if we can trick some poor dame into marrying him,
that'll be good enough.
Lee, you're awful.
Orochy!
Yes!
The first thing women look for in a husband is...
Rock Lee Sensei's Dating Training!
What women want in a husband! 1. Stability!
Stability!
You're right.
Financial stability is very important.
Well, that's a lot more normal—
No, it's not!
Giant feet provide the wrong kind of stability!
But look, he stays on his feet, no matter what life hits him with.
Again, that's the wrong...
The next thing women want in a husband is...
Rock Lee Sensei's dating training!
What women want in a husband! 2. Fatherliness!
Fatherliness!
Fatherliness?
The husband plays an active role in raising the children.
All you can do for that is be excited about having kids, no?
No, there's a way he can demonstrate actual results.
Actual results?
Orochy's already raised a very precious baby, haven't you?
Manda?!
Yeah!
If women see how well Orochy's raised Manda here,
they're sure to believe he'll make a great father.
Y-You think?
The final thing women want in a husband is...
Rock Lee Sensei's dating training!
What women want in a husband! 3. Sense of humor!
A similar sense of humor!
I don't disagree,
but isn't that also the hardest one of all?
Quite the opposite.
Humor
If he's got all these, one's bound to be similar.
Humor, not ewer!
Enough of this!
I don't care if you're destined to fail miserably,
just go to a speed dating party or something!
Okay, Orochy!
Follow me to the battlefield of romance!
Orochy?
I can't move...
Of course you can't.
Remember.
Always smile, and be polite.
When asking questions, be positive but assertive.
Ask three for every one she asks you.
You're really convincing.
I'm surprised at how credible you seem, Lee.
Guy Sensei taught me everything I know.
And just like that, the credibility is gone.
I got it!
Wish me luck!
Orochy?
I can't get inside.
Of course you can't.
Leaf Speed Dating Party
Where's Orochimaru?
Ah, over there.
But everyone calls me Orochy.
Is he pulling it off?
S-So... what's with the shoes?
I'm very stable!
Isn't that great?
Bad economy, downsizing, consumption taxes, I say bring it on!
Ah, Orochy, what's that on your back?
Oh, this is Manda.
I raised him myself!
And... the jars?
Oh come now, they're my sense of humor ewers!
Which one do you ladies like?
He's crashing and burning.
How strange, the plan was perfect.
You're nuts.
So, Orochy, what do you do for work?
Until recently I was the leader of a certain organization...
Was it listed on any exchanges?
Huh? Er, we had a symbol, yes...
How many employees?
A lot, I couldn't really say...
What kind of company?
We'd go and take over other villages—
Acquisitions!
The CEO of a major acquisitions firm?
One of the top earners in the whole village?
A villa in the southern mountains?!
Um... Orochy?
Let's find someone else for you.
Yeah, you just had a bad crop this time around.
What's wrong with the women in this village?!
All they care about is money, money, money!
It's ridiculous! I don't want any part of it!
I was going to get married, become a normal ninja,
gain residency in the Leaf Village and bring it down from the inside.
What?!
You heard me, it was all a plot!
What did you expect!?
But your team took me seriously...
You're all so kind...
Orochimaru...
Listen, you three!
One day I will crush the Leaf beneath my heel!
And don't you forget it!
Regardless of what he said, I think Orochimaru...
Being a normal ninja is harder than it sounds.
Orochy...
Hey, Kabuto...
What is marriage?
Orochy?
Mumbled Orochimaru one lonely evening.
Next week is "Guy Sensei is the New Hokage!"
Guy Sensei is the New Hokage! IQ: 200 Status: Troublesome
and "IQ: 200. Status: Troublesome."
Shikamaru, huh?
He's always complaining about something being troublesome.
Knowing it was Shikamaru just from the IQ!
Why don't you spill the beans on what's really going on between you two, eh?
You're troublesome even without an IQ of 200!
I'm so sorry!
I feel like Temari and I really came to sympathize with one another today...